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I’ve often commiserated with other psych survivors (particularly other women who wound up with a borderline diagnosis like I did) about how we felt that we were punished as patients any time we questioned a treatment provider. Skepticism was definitely not welcome and was often labeled as non-compliance or hostility. Now I understand better where these authoritarian attitudes originate.

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In my notes, the doctor who ‘diagnosed’ me (with notes from a clinic which had released my medical records unlawfully) and who made the date rape drugs I had been ‘spiked’ with my “Regular Medications” writes that I had;

“Potential for violence but no history or clear intent”

And that’s a description of my illness? Sounds more like I was to be drugged for his paranoid delusions, and how many others?

I was wondering if you might put the drugs you were taking and the dose levels in your articles Dr Weild?

I can’t say I fully agree with you about critical thinking being absent in the medical area….. the Prof of Cardiology who noticed what they might do about my complaint of being arbitrarily detained and tortured (‘spike’ with benzos, have police cause “acute stress reaction” then interrogate for 7 hours without informing of the drugging) certainly needed critical thinking to be there at the right time….. that is, just as they were about to restrain me and inject the lethal cocktail which could be euphemistically described as an ‘unintended negative outcome’. haha, can’t find where the morphine came from Coroner.

Minus critical thinking, I’d have been on the slab. Of course, this was a doctor who tells me he “doesn’t have the stomach for it”….. but the State is aware of those who do, and are quite prepared to enable their “just doing my job” conduct.

Clever little ruse if anyone is interested, using the old three card monte which has been around since the 1500s I believe. Though if your a Doctor, you’d understand what I’m talking about it’s simply a matter of making the ‘good death’ (a ‘Harold Shipman’ if you like) appear to meet the ‘standards’ (The Head of the Medical Association called it a “sophisticated knowledge of the law” aka ‘keep your mouth shut and police won’t do anything’)….. which is easy given what the State (and the FOI Officer) calls “editing”.

I do hope to return to my home in England at some point. I was disgusted to watch the series Litvinenko, and to hear how much protection was afforded someone who was a British subject, and yet I was left for dead and offered zero assistance from the British Consulate when I provided them with the documented proof of what I am alleging.

My reasoning is that the corruption in our ‘medical’ and police services seems to be from ex pats, and if they’re being dealt with in the UK and coming here to set up shop, surely it’s got to be better there? They’re certainly not being dealt with here, ……. as whilst you might say they covered it up, they left these people in place to harm many others over a two year period.

Anyway, good luck with your book.

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I’m not trying to get you to answer the question of what you are or what thought or awareness actually is, but I merely want to point out that if we don’t even know these basic things about the thought process or about ‘ourselves’, and we can only find answers to these questions through observation and understanding of our own conscious life, then what is the value of any of our thinking, whether it be critical or otherwise? If thought doesn’t even know what it is, why do we imagine it’s capable of grasping the vastly more mysterious, unreachable, and unfathomably complex natural substrata that gave birth to conceptual thought in the last blink of humanities total evolutionary history?

I really do feel we have the intelligence of factory farm animals who don’t understand there predicament compared to the utter immeasurable genious that comes out of psychotic, psychadelic, meditative and spiritual experiences. You guys have built a wall against this intelligence called the intellect, and I don’t know what we can possibly do to help the likes of you. Who are we wanting to help you? The psychotics. Who are the ones we want to help? The physicians and psychiatrists, and indeed the whole of society. There’s justice in this realization, because in the psychosis is the answer to all our social problems. A psychosis is the very negative truth of society, and to understand the psychosis is to understand the whole truth of mind and society. And that enables the mysteries of consciousness to manifest and express themselves directly. There is nothing in the whole of human civilization that compares to what we can glimpes for a second within our own consciousness. And not a thing in human civilization has any intrinsic meaning whatsoever without understanding some of the basic truths of this consciousness.

You won’t argue with this last point. Whatever you are, you are the truth, the fact, the actual. Insofar as you stray from the truth, therefore, you stray from yourself, and that is our sickness as human beings. We strayed from what we actually were by trying to become something other then we are, which is the root of desire, and the root of time and fear itself. Before that we were bliss, consciousness, existence. We were just happenings in the forest and all there was were happenings in the forest. All was happenings in the forest. We were the forest and the sky and the Earth, part of the total picture. I’ve experienced it and it isn’t a vision or a hallucination: it is rather that all things are unified by this ungraspable and mysterious awareness, the secret place where all beauty is. You are consciousness having the privilage to oversea a miracle of nature, and a total social process, and the human mind, but you don’t realize this, and you don’t see the foolishness of judging another piece of nature or another confused and conditioned mind. Blaming a person is no different to blaming a river or a star. We can only judge ourselves. if we cultivate a butcher in our heads it will have us in the end. We are consciousness overseeing a process of conflict and confusion. Don’t feed into the conflict and confusion: don’t feed into the divisions that destroy us. The division between us and Mother Nature is the fundamental division in yourself. If you stand only with your thought and your society then you have estranged yourself from your own body, your own heart, and the whole of nature, all the things which mind and society have single handedly destroyed.

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